Giving & Receiving授受表現
Japanese has three core giving/receiving verbs: あげる (give away from speaker), もらう (receive toward speaker), and くれる (someone gives toward speaker). When combined with the て-form (～てあげる, ～てもらう, ～てくれる), they express favors and social obligations. This system encodes the direction of benefit relative to the speaker — a concept English lacks entirely, and one of the hardest things for English speakers to master.
Japanese has three core giving/receiving verbs: あげる (give away from speaker), もらう (receive toward speaker), and くれる (someone gives toward speaker). When combined with the て-form (～てあげる, ～てもらう, ～てくれる), they express favors and social obligations. This system encodes the direction of benefit relative to the speaker — a concept English lacks entirely, and one of the hardest things for English speakers to master.
The three basic verbs
Each verb encodes who gives, who receives, and where the speaker’s perspective sits.
あげる — give (away from speaker)
The speaker (or someone in the speaker’s in-group) gives to someone else: 私は友達にプレゼントをあげた (I gave a present to my friend). Also used for third person to third person when the speaker identifies with the giver. The humble form is さしあげる (used when giving to a superior).
くれる — give (toward speaker)
Someone gives to the speaker (or someone in the speaker’s in-group): 友達が私にプレゼントをくれた (My friend gave me a present). くれる inherently expresses gratitude — the act of giving is seen as a favor. The honorific form is くださる (used when a superior gives to you).
もらう — receive
The speaker receives from someone: 私は友達に/からプレゼントをもらった (I received a present from my friend). The humble form is いただく (used when receiving from a superior). もらう focuses on the receiver’s perspective.
～てあげる, ～てもらう, ～てくれる — favors
Attaching these verbs to the て-form expresses doing favors or receiving the benefit of someone’s action.
～てあげる — do a favor for someone
I do something for someone else’s benefit: 友達に日本語を教えてあげた (I taught my friend Japanese — as a favor). Warning: Using てあげる about your own actions can sound condescending ("I did you the favor of..."). Use it carefully, especially with equals and superiors.
～てくれる — someone does a favor for me
Someone does something for the speaker’s benefit: 友達が宿題を手伝ってくれた (My friend helped me with homework — I’m grateful). This is the most emotionally warm of the three — it carries automatic gratitude.
～てもらう — I receive the favor of someone doing
友達に宿題を手伝ってもらった (I had my friend help me with homework). The meaning is similar to てくれる, but もらう focuses on the receiver’s initiative in seeking help. もらう implies "I got someone to do it" whereas くれる implies "they kindly did it."
Direction: the key concept
Think of giving/receiving as arrows. あげる: arrow goes OUT from speaker’s circle → someone else. くれる: arrow comes IN toward speaker’s circle ← from someone else. もらう: speaker actively PULLS the arrow in ← from someone. Your family, close friends, and in-group members are part of your "circle." When your mother gives to an outsider, you use あげる. When an outsider gives to your mother, you use くれる.
Honorific and humble forms
Each verb has formal equivalents for polite Japanese.
あげる → さしあげる (humble)
Used when giving to a superior: 先生にお土産をさしあげた (I gave the teacher a souvenir). Very formal.
くれる → くださる (honorific)
Used when a superior gives to you: 先生が本をくださった (The teacher gave me a book). ～てくださる is the honorific request form: 教えてくださいませんか.
もらう → いただく (humble)
Used when receiving from a superior: 先生に本をいただいた (I received a book from the teacher). ～ていただく is extremely common in business: 確認していただけますか (Could you please verify?).
The biggest pitfall: あげる about yourself
Saying 手伝ってあげましょうか (Shall I help you?) sounds patronizing — "Shall I bestow the favor of helping you?" Instead, say 手伝いましょうか (Shall I help?). あげる is best used when describing past actions to a third party (彼に教えてあげた) or when the relationship clearly permits it (parent to child, close friends). When offering help to someone’s face, just use the plain verb or ましょうか.
Giving & receiving — plain and honorific forms
| Function | Plain | Honorific/Humble | て-form pattern | Example |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Give (out) | あげる | さしあげる | ～てあげる | 教えてあげる |
| Give (in) | くれる | くださる | ～てくれる | 教えてくれる |
| Receive | もらう | いただく | ～てもらう | 教えてもらう |
| Give (casual) | やる | — | ～てやる | 教えてやる |
Example sentences
誕生日に母がケーキを焼いてくれた。
Tanjoubi ni haha ga keeki o yaite kureta.
My mother baked a cake for me on my birthday.
てくれる — gratitude for favor received
弟に数学を教えてあげた。
Otouto ni suugaku o oshiete ageta.
I taught my younger brother math.
てあげる — favor to family (natural)
友達に空港まで送ってもらった。
Tomodachi ni kuukou made okutte moratta.
I had my friend drive me to the airport.
てもらう — speaker sought the favor
先生に推薦状を書いていただきました。
Sensei ni suisenjou o kaite itadakimashita.
I received the favor of having my teacher write a recommendation letter.
ていただく — humble form for superior
荷物を持ってくれてありがとう。
Nimotsu o motte kurete arigatou.
Thank you for carrying my bags.
くれて + ありがとう — standard gratitude pattern
この書類を確認していただけますか。
Kono shorui o kakunin shite itadakemasu ka.
Could you please check this document?
ていただけますか — polite business request
Common mistakes
先生にプレゼントをあげた (casual あげる to a superior)
先生にプレゼントをさしあげた
あげる is for equals or those below you. When giving to a superior (teacher, boss), use the humble form さしあげる. Using あげる about a teacher sounds disrespectful.
手伝ってあげましょうか (offering help to someone’s face)
手伝いましょうか
てあげましょうか sounds condescending — "shall I grace you with my help?" Just use the plain volitional: 手伝いましょうか (shall I help?). Reserve てあげる for describing past actions or relationships with clear status differences.
友達が私にプレゼントをあげた
友達が私にプレゼントをくれた
When someone gives TO you (the speaker), you must use くれる, not あげる. あげる = outward (you give to others). くれる = inward (others give to you). This is the #1 giving/receiving mistake.
Frequently asked questions
What’s the difference between てもらう and てくれる?
Both mean someone did something for your benefit, but the perspective differs. てくれる focuses on the giver’s kindness: 友達が手伝ってくれた (my friend kindly helped me). てもらう focuses on the receiver’s initiative: 友達に手伝ってもらった (I got my friend to help me). Use くれる when the other person volunteered; use もらう when you asked or arranged it.
When should I use やる instead of あげる?
やる is a rougher/older form of あげる used for giving to animals, plants, or people of clearly lower status: 犬に餌をやる (feed the dog), 花に水をやる (water the flowers). Using やる about a person can sound dismissive. Younger speakers increasingly use あげる even for pets: 猫にご飯をあげる.
How do I say "thank you for doing X"?
Use ～てくれてありがとう: 来てくれてありがとう (thanks for coming), 教えてくれてありがとう (thanks for teaching me). For formal situations: ～てくださってありがとうございます or ～ていただきありがとうございます.
What group does 走る belong to?